tonight i layed on my bed with jessica for hours.
we did the same exact thing before she left for california.
we layed there and talked.
while "i can feel a hot one" played on repeat in the back ground.
we sang. we spoke.
we harmonized.
i tell her things i don't tell people.
not because they don't ask but because they don't lay with me and cry.
i'm vulnerable around her. she is delicate.
she understands me, not in the way that she has me figured out,
but in the way that she knows that my heart is filled with love for her.
and i know that she feels the same for me.
she talked about seeing a young man cry.
her compassion is always an undertone but she doesn't know or see it.
she spoke about how seeing someones heart can change.
she invites me to a sad place with her voice just like the song does.
her tone warms me to vocalize my fear.
im scared. not of the Ukraine. but of everything.
i'm scared of doing things alone.
i want someone to share the adventure with.
i want someone to share the adventure with.
i wouldn't have known that if i hadn't have said it.
i wish someone would go with me- into the unknown.
someone to explore the ruins and jump in the ocean with.
hand in hand into the abyss.
but I'm going to trust.
this time... it's just me and God.
some personal time.
"Be brave, my sweet" I suppose.
then we reminiced, her memory of course being way better than mine.
thought about blankeys in freezers and jugs of tea and black men and raw deer meat and giant sleep-overs and snow cones and werlitzers and red heads and things. things.
my love for that young woman overwhelms me-
the fact that our God loves her even more than me...
i'm blown away.
the fact that i don't even posses an iota of the love that He feels and is for her- shuts me up.