Tuesday, December 11, 2012

.ode to sleep.

.i'll stay awake.
.cause the dark's not taking prisoners tonight.

.i have so much to say.
.unexpected and beautiful wonderful things have happened.
so... here's the story.

my roommate and best friend katelynn was going to some concert last friday. the person she was going with had to bail so she asked me to come because she had already bought the tickets and she needed someone to drive theses two random girls and her to indy. so i said- of course. i knew how much this concert meant to her, and i knew she didn't want to go alone. so off we were. i spent 10 bucks to go sit in the amazing chill section with all of the 50 year old men. the first band was horrible. i laughed so hard that i had to move the back because i didn't want to be rude. then the second band was way better. as soon as the opening bands got done i went to go find katelynn and ended up being super close to the stage and next to her. then... they came on stage... INSANE. not an understatement. i had no clue what i was walking into but as soon as they came on stage- my night was made. it was incredible. i couldn't stop smiling.

.why am i not scared in the morning,
.i don't hear those voices callin.
.i must have kicked them out.
.i must have kicked them out.

i've never been to a concert where i had no clue what was going to happen next. ive never been to a concert where i didn't know any of the words and it didn't matter because i felt it in my gut. i've never been to a concert where i just looked over at my best friend and cried because of the perfection of the moment. i've never been NOT star struck or fan girly about musicians that i wholly approve of. i've never been the one to deny a hug ever. everything i'm saying is an UNDERSTATEMENT. there is no way that anyone can fully understand what took place- i don't know why i'm trying. i just guess i want to testify or something. haaa. but seriously. I WANT TO TESTIFY.

i swear i heard demons yelling
those crazy words they were spelling
they told me i was wrong.
they told me i was gone.

worship. it's just worship. and the crazy thing is that not all of us will get to experience that devine freaking moment that God set up specifically for me and who knows how many others. but there's something about writing it down. reminding myself it's real. it would still be real if i didn't tell you. but... i wanted to.

but ill tell them
why won't you let me go?
do i threaten all your plans?
i'm insignificant.
please tell them
you have no plans for me.

im in love with a God who is in love with His children so much that He created them so full of talent and passion and ambition that He uses them to spark the other ones. to set the others on fire.
this was one of those instances. and i couldnt be more thankful.

i will set my soul on fire.
what have i become?

.singing songs that nobody wrote.

.i don't know why i feed on emotion, the stomach inside my brain.

an experience of which i have nothing to compare it to.
these people. they feel.
they are real people.
just people.
they love.
they're fearful.
they're excited.
they're broken.
they're encouraging.
they're inspired.
they're brave.
they're goofy.
they're creative.
they're... blessed.

.i don't want to be heard. i want to be listened to.

i didn't want to be hugged.
i just wanted to express my amazement.
so easy to see my Love in that night.

.does it bother anyone else that someone else has your name.

i left that show.
speaking of our God.
staying up till 7 am speaking and thinking
my only keepsake- my burning calves the next day.
thankful for the pain that was a reminder of being alive.

.i scream.
.you scream.
.we all scream.
.cause we're all terrified.
.of whats around the corner.


.we stay in place cause we don't wanna lose our lives.

that's what that was.

.so lets think of something better.

if i could say nothing.
i could say i was alive.
they are alive.
we were all alive together.

.down in the forest we'll sing a chorus.
.one that everybody knows.

i went expecting nothing.
and was blown away.

.hands held higher- we'll be on fire.

my God orchestrated the most perfect
seemingly random night.
full of surprises He is.
glorious surprises.
that night can only be chalked up to Him.
and I'm so excited and thankful for what that will mean for me.
for what is to come from this.

.singing songs that nobody wrote.

im still deciphering.