Sunday, February 14, 2016

broken.

it's been a week.
a week since.
it feels like a wound got reopened today.
the door swung wide open.
and you said nothing.
you gave nothing.
it was my fault for being so hasty.
not thinking of what this would do
to either of us.
do you hate me?
i'm broken.

i broke me.

Tuesday, February 9, 2016

.elastic heart.

___________________





i've yet to let myself really cry.
cry for the girl who just sold herself.
cry for the girl who just let go of something
she treasured.
i've yet to cry for the scared girl
who didn't know what she wanted anymore.
i don't know what she needs right now.
i don't know anything.

what pain is she in?
what space or time does she need?
what words would soothe her?

i'm coming up blank.




___________________

.nothing.

___________________




left all of my kindness and gentleness at the door.
stepped into a room full of darkness.
decided to decide nothing.



___________________

.did it count.

___________________




"i'm not playing games", he said.
but i was.



___________________

.it didn't happen.

___________________




i went with intention.
seeking to destroy something.
maybe myself.
showering
hoping something would come up.
asking Jesus to help before grabbing my purse.
hoping something would intervene.
moving forward, numbing the small voice of reason.
keys in the ignition.
moments of silence.
i don't remember any music playing.
an out.
i needed an out and i had one.
but i was stubborn.
determined to continue with my plan.
this was what i wanted, right?




___________________


.just one.

___________________



just one.
one choice can have an impact on the rest of your life.
how funny it is that one thing
can have such an effect on the future.
one pull of the trigger.
one word.
one move.
it can change things.




___________________