TODAY I AM SO ANGRY.
SO HURT.
SO SAD.
SO PISSED.
every expletive.
that's what i would use.
but instead i don't say anything.
i feel so alone.
i know i'm not.
but i hate this.
so today i made art.
i used every perscription bottle label that i could find.
angry art that speaks of pain and exhaustion.
my roomate is the best roomate.
and im so hateful twards him today.
im so sinful.
and i hate that i hate him.
but i just want to scream at him.
this isn't fair.
i want to smack him and yell at him.
i want someone to hold me.
someone to understand.
but instead
there's nothing.
i just recoil from his every word and touch.
it's beautiful out today.
i talked to the mailwoman.
she and i decided we would have good days.
i pray that God makes that true.
im just praying that this goes.
i'm praying.
God knows what I need.
one of my friends texted me this morning and said
"I would hug you every morning if I could"
i miss her.
i miss that kind of love.
the kind that feels your pain with you.
that holds me.
i'm mean today.
i'm so mean.
i hate this.
fuck.
i've been trying to do better.
i really have.