are you learning to forget?

i am many things.

i am a liar. i scream "know me!" and "hide me!" in the same breath. 

i am a fool. i excuse acts of debauchery for youth. and i run my mouth as if words have no consequence, just like my actions. 

i am lazy. i'll sleep all day. and when you call me sloth, i'll imagine slapping you instead of getting up to do it.

i am of little faith. one day i'm all in. next hour i've got one foot out the door.

the mystery, 

the mystery that i am often faced with is

when people know me and love me.

when they get me and still love me.

when someone understands me. 

and loves me in spite of myself.

that is my God. that is my Christ.

i am the unlovely. the untouchable.

the ruiner. the least likely. the last place. 

knowing this about myself. 

knowing that i am all of these things.

knowing that i am broken.

i will try so hard, so hard, i promise.

and i will let everyone down. 

my fatal flaw is my nature.

and for that, i apologize.

lately i've been thinking i should warn people when they meet me.
maybe they should sign some sort of waiver- 

it might be easier for you if you avoid me,

it might be easier for you if you shut me out. 

but if you let me in, 

i'll try.

i don't want to be your Savior.

but ill try to love like Him.

ill try to listen with His ears 

and see with His eyes.

just a thought.

my spirit will one day sit on the steps of eternity
and i will have forgotten all that i once was.