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i starred at a wall.
while everyone was looking straight, i looked left.
to try to hold it together.
to try to keep a grip on all of the edges of my life.
if i stay quiet maybe they won't notice me.
maybe i'll disappear.
maybe this will end
faster.
i regress.
two feet tall.
staring at the patterns in the wood.
while the grown ups talk
i hate them.
every time i spill a glass, they yell.
so i try not to move or touch anything.
they don't care.
and i'm right here.
they want me to play with crayons.
but I'm right here.
i'm okay. i'm okay.
maybe they're almost done talking.
i wish i could sink underneath the seat.
crawl under the table
and make a run for it.
but they notice me.
because i'm sitting there breathing.
they notice me.
because i'm not small.
they notice me.
forced to hug reluctantly.
it's all a lie,
this whole thing.
but i'm quiet.
it's a lie.
i'm quietly lying.
say "thank you."
say "i love you."
leave quickly before you lie again.
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